Diablo 3 Skill Calculator with Homemade Smoked Porter

I'm excited about Diablo 3. I noticed that blizzard has posted a skill calculator for the yet-to-be-released game, and tonight I sat down and check it out. Given the success of my previous pairing of Diablo 2 with Stone Smoked Porter, I thought I'd enjoy a mug of my homebrewed smoked porter while I explored the different character classes that Diablo 3 will offer.

Without going into too much detail, using the skill calculator made me look forward to the game more than ever. I still don't really understand how character development will work, but the descriptions of various skills enticed me. A few of the more awesome ability descriptions were:

"Ichor erupts from the corpses of the Zombie Dogs and Slows enemies by 60% for 8 seconds."

"Throw a jar with 4 spiders that attacked nearby enemies for 16% weapon damage as Physical before dying."

"Increases Hatred generation to 6 Hatred."

If you are an extremely nerdy Diablo devotee and like booze, I highly recommend drinking and checking out the skill calculator. My smoked porter was a nice match, but I'm sure anything else would also work just fine.



UPDATE: I just realized that this post could maybe be construed as an April Fool's Day joke. I assure you that this was not the case, and that this was all written in complete seriousness.

Diablo III Release Date Announced

Blizzard has finally announced a release date for the long-awaited Diablo III. Come May 15th, you will no longer find me going "out" or doing "things." No, I'll have pulled out my old, trusty "mouse" and a carefully-chosen stash of booze, and I will excuse myself from society for the following months. As for what my pairing will be, I'm not yet sure. My very first post on this blog recommended playing Diablo II with Stone Smoked Porter. In a later post I discussed a few other options for Diablo II, including red wine and bourbon. I'll have to think it over. Whatever I choose will most certainly be epic.

Saints Row: The Third with an Appleton Estate Reserve Daiquiri

 In my last post I said that I would be reviewing a pairing with Angry Birds before too long, but so far the opportunity to try out this pairing on the bus has not presented itself. Tonight I wanted to try out a pairing for Saints Row: The Third. I've been playing the game for a couple of weeks, and not really enjoying it all that much. As a teenager, I probably would have loved this GTA-influenced sandbox game's enthusiasm for scantily-clad women and the word "fuck," but as a quasi-adult, I find it tiresome.

Tonight I wanted to get a pairing with Saints Row out of the way. I didn't have a particularly stunning array of boozes at my disposal, but I did have a couple fingers of Appleton Estate Reserve rum, three fifths of a lime and a container of homemade demerara simple syrup. I googled these ingredients to see what I should call the cocktail I was about to make, and my ignorance was exposed. I was not aware that these are the only ingredients required for a daiquiri. I thought you had to put some crazy fruit or at least some juice in there to make it so. Pleased with my discovery, I mixed myself a stiff daiquiri with the rum I had on hand.

 

The combination of a rich, tasty, molasses-y, fruity rum with molasses-y demerara simple syrup and fresh lime juice was pretty damn tasty. It was also conducive to the enjoyment of Saints Row. The game embraces mayhem, and I was finally won over to some extent when, halfway through my daiquiri, I was given a mission to throw myself in front of speeding cars in order to commit insurance fraud. Getting knocked 30 feet through the air by oncoming traffic while sipping my cocktail felt just right. Saints Row and rum-based cocktails may not be my favorite things in the world, but tonight they were yin and yang in a debauched yin-yang of tipsy gaming.

Next Up

I've finally stopped playing Skyrim. I'm sure I could have gotten many more hours of gameplay out of it, but I only had so much beer. I've started up Saints Row: The Third, though it has yet to really grab my attention. I've been putting more time into Angry Birds, having recently acquired an iPhone. I think I'm going to pair it with canned craft beer with colorful labels. It will be perfect for the bus ride home after work.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim with a Giant Mug of the Beer that I Brewed Specifically to Drink with The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

I've never had a harder time writing a blog post. I have no lack of inspiration when it comes to writing about the pairing described in the lengthy title above, but I don't want to write it. I want to play The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Those of you who have played the game surely understand, but you're probably not reading this right now, as you have yet another dragon to kill, or another lord to assassinate, or perhaps another mischievous demi-god to have a drinking contest with. These are the joys of Skyrim that I could be experiencing right now if I weren't blogging. But enough whining. As is most obvious by now, I like Skyrim. It is a huge, engrossing game, along the lines of Fallout 3 crossed with Baldur's gate. After about 30 hours of gameplay, I feel like I have only just scratched its surface.

 

I've often said that fantasy games are among the easiest games to find booze pairings for. Any number of British bitters or barleywines would work well enough with Skyrim. Mead would be another very obvious pairing. But I felt compelled to take things a step further. The game is all about letting players tailor their own experience, and I wanted to similarly tailor a booze to pair with it. I wanted something appropriate for Skyrim's fantasy setting, and also mild enough that it would not stop me from playing the game for many, many consecutive hours. I opted to try out a recipe that my brother and I have been working on for our soon-to-be brewpub.

The beer that I brewed for Skyrim was inspired by two classic European styles: The English mild ale and the Belgian Trappist abbey dubbel. You can find the recipe here. Dark caramel malts and dark Belgian candi sugar gave the beer a deep reddish-brown color and a smooth, bittersweet flavor with subtle notes of plum. At about 4% alcohol by volume, it was eminently chuggable, particularly when served in the large tankard shown above. When I sat down to try out this pairing, I had just concluded a long day of brewing (unrelated to video games), and I was very full from eating a large amount of cake. For some reason my blood sugar always seems to plummet when I brew, but this time I was prepared. Fortunately, the lightness of my mild dubbel allowed for me to drink plenty of it, despite having eaten about half of a cake in the preceding hours. Anyway, I had a great time slaying things and smithing things and drinking my ale. I highly recommend this pairing to anyone who is a big enough nerd to brew a beer specifically to drink with a video game.

Coming Soon: Skyrim and Homebrew

I finally got to sit down with Skyrim and a giant mug of the beer that I brewed specifically to pair with the game. I should be able to post on it in the next couple of days. I may have to spend several dozen more hours doing further research, however.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial and Night Train

WARNING: The following experiment was conducted by professionals who have developed a strong tolerance for horrible video games and atrocious boozes. Attempting to replicate our actions in your own home will most likely result in the destruction of property and countless years of hopeless therapy sessions.

"Loaded like a freight train

Flying like an aeroplay-ane

Feelin' like a space brain

One more time tonigh-hee-ight."

- Axl Rose

 A while back, my good friends Sarah and Gilad gave me an Atari 2600 along with a good number of games. These included classics such as "Ms. Pac Man" and "Skiing," all-in-all a veritable catalog of established arcade hits. But one cartridge stood out as I rifled through them. "E.T. the Extra Terrestrial!" I thought to myself "Isn't that supposed to be one of the worst games of all time?" At that very moment, I could feel a tiny gear beginning to turn in the dark compartment of my brain that is normally responsible for such things as self-loathing and my love of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. I did a little research, and it turns out that E.T. was a failure so spectacular that it makes Duke Nukem' Forever feel better about itself (well, that might be a stretch).
 E.T. was released in 1982, the same year as the wildly-successful film upon which it is based. The development of the game cost Atari an unheard-of $125 million, over 10 times the amount spent to make the film. Basing a video game on a movie was a novel idea at the time, and Atari expected to ride the film's coattails. Unfortunately, one minor problem got in their way.

 

 E.T., the video game, really, really sucks. It involves running around, falling down holes (I think) and evading guys in trench coats and lab coats (I think). I cannot be particularly confident that I am correct in my description, as the game's graphics are poorly-designed, even for the standards of 1982. Perhaps the game originally included a manual or some sort of hint as to what the hell one is supposed to try to accomplish. Unfortunately, I do not have any such instructions. When I realized that I had E.T. in my possession, I knew that I must concoct a booze pairing of epic proportions. A booze pairing that would help me and my faithful companions plumb depths of stupidity and masochism hitherto unknown to man.

 To paraphrase a wiser man than I, "If Mad Dog 20/20 is what you drink to get into a rowdy, fighting furor, Night Train is what you drink when you need to spend a cold night sleeping on a park bench." Night Train is often considered to be the king of the hobo wines (no, I'm not going to cite my source here. It's common knowledge). When I bought 4 bottles from my local liquor store, the cashier commented "Oh, you're about to ride the train good tonight!" She was right. Joined by Gilad, Sarah, and several other morbidly-curious friends (some had just come over to watch the State of the Union address, but we roped them in), we started drinking our Night Train and trading off attempts to crack the age-old riddle that is E.T. About 30 seconds into anyone's turn, one would begin to hear frustrated exclamations of "I keep falling down these goddamn holes!" and "What the fuck am I supposed to do?!" Fortunately, sweet lady Night Train was there for us, and reminded us that E.T. is not the only horrendously-shitty thing that one can experience. Night Train contains a whopping 17.5% alcohol. It describes itself as "Citrus wine and natural flavors." My crew described it as having "Big League chew and Fun Dip on the nose," "Medicinal tannins," and "Notes of cranberry, Jolly Ranchers, powdered sugar, and Robitussin DM."
 We only got through 3 bottles before we couldn't bear it any longer. We quit, but it had been a beautiful ride. And now that it's over, every other video game and booze, along with dead leaves dangling on trees and the scent of the wintry Chicago air all seem that much more beautiful. If you need a life-affirming experience, or if you hate yourself, I highly recommend this pairing.